My Top 10 List
But drinking, oh that has increased - mostly by the humans.
10- You stop swearing at home to make sure no bad habits are picked up and repeated forever. (That's assuming you have a bird that actually talks - like they are supposed to but they refuse or are unable and you think you have a parrot that might have been dropped on his head as an egg.)
9- In the interest of avian education you listen to a recording of the Andy Griffith theme song instead of your favorite playlist over, and over, and over, and over (and then leave the house and can't get that freaking tune out of your head).
8- You wait for the UPS man, delivering the latest parrot toy, like a kid waiting for Santa. Only to have your bird show more interest in the packaging than the package - like that kid.
7- You make your friends FaceTime with your parrot (even though you understood when your kids were young that no one - except Grandma - wanted to talk with them so really, who the hell wants to FaceTime with your bird. But you do it anyway).
6-You whistle to your bird so often you start thinking that you're going to need botox or filler in your upper lip because you are working yourself into a whole new bunch of wrinkles.
5- Everyone you know sends you YouTube videos of other parrots outperforming yours and you wonder if the brightest thing yours will ever do is wolf whistle at the 10 year old walking down the street. No one thinks that's cute. No one normal anyway.
4- You have more equipment for one 9 ounce creature than you ever had for all your kids. And we all remember how much equipment we had for our kids!
The mark of The Beak
2- You watch your parrot dig into a slice of pizza and immediately feel an emotional connection to this creature - all over their love of carbs and tomato sauce.
3- They lunge at you and you are reminded once again, that birds are descended from raptors and we are fortunate that there was an ice age.
1- Your decision to own this animal causes you to rethink all your life choices up 'til now.
*****
You put up with all this for how long? Oh yeah - about 40-60 years. I'm still not ready to give up but I'm not sure I'm ready to embrace my life sentence.